Feeling like shit

Is it a good thing or a bad thing when you suddenly want to hurl your guts out after looking at a picture someone snapped of Slenderfuck?

On the one hand, it means you are having a perfectly reasonable reaction to seeing something that just shouldn't exist. On the other hand, you're looking at something that shouldn't exist, and it's doing bad things to your body.

I'm feeling lightheaded, like I usually do after I lose any amount of blood (or when I think about blood for a little bit too long and a little bit too much detail.) Trying to shake the feeling off, but that picture stirred up some nasty shit that I have been trying my damndest to surpress.

I don't recommend clicking this link to view the picture, but if you have greater constitution than me, maybe you can handle it:

http://eccentricallybored.blogspot.com/2011/03/woke-up-in-middle-of-night.html

Anyway, on that note, I want to say I am trying to catch up on what has been going on and... well...

Fucking hell guys.

How many of us died while I lived my relatively peaceful happy life?

I don't even want to count. I don't think I could handle it. I'm not doing myself any favors looking over half the stuff going on. I might need to go visit my therapist again...

I just wish there was something I could do... Could've done.

I wish I didn't abandon you guys.

I wish I could've stuck around and lend a hand or offer advice.

I wish I had tried harder to make certain things work, like NAPPA and my general relationships with you people.

We all know I was pretty disagreeable at best, what with my anger issues and generally bleak outlook on our plight. But fucking hell, I would undo every moment of peace I've had since my leave for the chance to have helped you all.

I would have traded my life for all of yours.

Guess I'm the Simon of this island of castaways.

Anyway, I'm going to go sleep now. Hopefully I'll be able to.

Will be looking into various things soon.

I'll keep whoever is out there updated on my stuff.

-Matthew

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So yeah, I can't sleep at all. Tried doing this trick where I read a pretty 'meh' tier book until it bores me to sleep, but it didn't work. When I put it down, I couldn't bring myself to turn off the lights. I just came back and kept reading that blog from earlier.

Shame that the guy got Proxy'd. I haven't finished reading his stuff, but its... morbidly interesting watchin the transformation, as well as the goings ons of what proxies actually do.

And this brings me to the part of "Will be looking into various things soon."

The various things I mention are these other... entities.

Other eldritch horrors, like Slenderman, but with different rules.

I honestly don't know what to think of it.

I mean, I barely can cope with the fact that Slenderman might be real. (therapy did a doozy for me in terms of my perception of tall dark and malicious. I don't want to discount anyone's experience, but my own says that there is a distinct possibility that I was only hallucinating things to do with it.)

Now I have to worry about a veritable PANTHEON of these fucks?

I don't know... I mean, if they're real, well we're kinda fucked, right? If they aren't and I'm just getting worked up over nothing, at the obvious risk of relapsing into that mental state, then huzzah! But I'm still struggling with figuring out what I can believe or not.

I want to be able to ignore all of this, just look at it from the standpoint of "oh look at this creepypasta. let's read it then move on, maybe have a spot of tea, pip pip cheerio", but I can't. I know it wasn't real, but my hallucinations... they felt real.

...

It only now occurs to me to ask what the hell made me start hallucinating in the first place. What drove me mad?

...I'm going to make an appointment with my therapist asap.