Thursday, April 18, 2013

I'm fucking done

It's been a while since I've done anything here, but I really couldn't care less.

I'm just drained from a lot of the bullshit I put up with from some people. I pretty much surrounded myself with people prone to causing drama. Dealing with their wining/ignorance/bullshit on a nigh constant basis is exhausting to such a degree that I just don't care anymore.

Yes, congratulations, you have issues. So does everyone else, now get over it, fucker.

I guess I should update you assholes who don't even fucking exist with something.

Well, we've given up on the therapy front because it probably won't help anymore, and with what happened last time, I don't want to risk it.

No clue where Traner came from still. Honestly, I don't care either. Guy probably got his jollies from fucking with the minds of troubled people like me. How the hell he got an office or a secretary or all that other shit is beyond me, but you gotta have a hobby right?

But yeah. I just simply do not give two fucking shits about anything at the moment. Hell, I barely even want to use proper grammar, but I at LEAST still have standards.

It would be kinda awesome to actually go back to the shitty way things were right now. At least then I was alone and didn't have to deal with other people. I was a psycho with a penchant for rage, but goddamn was it simple. Base emotions are much more manageable than the complex shit I force myself to wade through day in day out.

Fuck, I don't even know why I bothered writing this. Seriously, no one's gonna read it, and even if they did, they wouldn't care.

So yeah, fuck this.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Signs of normality/Take that Core Solstice

First and foremost, things have calmed down quite a bit. After freaking out over Traner not being real, I worked up the courage to talk to my parents about it and they relayed that they didn't know where they had heard about him. It wasn't comforting to know that no one seems to know where this guy came from, but it's good to be mostly sure that my parents aren't plotting against me in some way. Needless to say, I'm not going back there, and we'll be looking for a new therapist soon.

Next, while some drama among my friends has cropped up, I have been living a pretty easy life. I'm feeling a hell of a lot better: less paranoia, less second guessing, less tensing up at the slightest noise in the dark. Yeah there's some stress, but at least it's coming from the aforementioned drama and not insanity. I guess this means I'm taking the fast track to normalville now. Gotta say, it's the most comforting thing that has happened to me in a long fucking time. Sure I'm kinda swimming in confusion, stress, and general bad feels from all the friend drama, but I'll take that over losing my mind any day.

Yeah, normality. NOOC. They don't seem to go hand in hand, but they do now, apparently. Like today I ran a tabletop RPG for my friends. I could never do that shit during the whole... ordeal.

Finally, SUCK IT CORE SOLSTICE. It's adorable that you thought I was back in the Labyrinth, but it looks like you're wrong! No maze here, just a highway to mediocrity. Next time you want to convince someone of their insanity, do it in such a way that actually proves anything before going out on a limb and making awful guesses at what might be happening.

Monday, January 21, 2013

He doesn't exist

Blahblahblah, I haven't been on in a while. Shit happened and I'll tell you about the good stuff when I have a chance to calm down from what I discovered today.

Dr. Traner doesn't exist.

I realized that I had an appointment with him soon, but the only person who would have been able to take me then would be my sister, so she needed the address. It suddenly clicked in my head that I didn't know it myself and went to look it up.

I searched his name.

I searched the hospital.

I searched everything I could think of.


Confused, I decided to call them, but quickly realized I didn't know their number. I asked my mom and she gave it to me, but when I called I got the automated message of "the number you are trying to call is not operational".

I dropped the phone. I ran to my room. I dove in bed. I screamed and cried.

I have been going to a hospital that doesn't seem to exist, to visit a doctor who was supposed to be a pretty well-known psych. Yet, I can't find a fucking trace of him.

I'm still trying to calm down, but I can't figure out how.

If anyone can help me track him down and prove he's real, please do. I'm too scared to talk to my parents about it...

...Ohgod... They had been taking me... They knew about him, but if he doesn't exist and the hospital isn't listed anywhere... then...

Who was Dr. Traner, and how did my parents find out about him...

I'm gonna go to bed now and try to sleep... I feel as though my insides are about to explode...