Saturday, January 22, 2011


im shaking uncontrollably....

ill finish this post when i can type


ok... i think i can do this now...

today was gonna be a day of just relaxing and not running so much. i probably moved maybe... what? half a mile? not much compared to yesterday.

And then... well i was being really paranoid, so i whipped out my camera and started recording shit around me...

i didnt see Him so i thought i was safe.

I wasnt.

this total nut job was standing in a nearby house just staring at me. he had all these weird as hell markings on his face that looked like they were done with a sharpie by a nine year old with serious mental issues.

he was just staring at me. course, i would probably stare too if i saw someone sitting outside of someone's house sapping the wi-fi. but that isnt the weird part.

he came up to me and started talking, his voice was scratchy as hell. i could barely make out what he was saying, cuz he was talking so fast. said something about a flood and how "we are coming for you" and all that shit which matches up with all those comments he left for you people (sorry about that, btw i deleted them where i saw them. apparently he wants me to watch some blogs seeing how im following like three new ones)

i told him to fuck off and started to pack my shit. he saw the operator symbol on my bag and started screeching. like legitly screeching; high pitch, annoying, ear bursting. i yelled at him to go away and then he attacked me.

i barely escaped. he landed a shit ton of punches and kicks on me, and seeing how i fucking suck at fighting without something that resembles a sword, i could only run from him. he chased for a while, moving slightly faster than me.

i rounded a corner and stole a look backwards, he wasnt there, and neither was my shit. but i didnt care, i had to keep moving. i ran until i couldnt anymore and rested in what looked like an old barn. i was breathing heavily and finally found rest.

i woke up a while later. guess who was lurking around where i was? you guessed it! psycho killer!!!

well this time i had the advantage. he hadnt seen me so i grabbed a shovel that was nearby (kudos to farmers who leave their tools around). i ran up to him and was gonna hit him when he turned around and parried my attack with his arm.

we struggled against eachother for a bit and then i found myself choking him and i wouldnt let go and he was gasping and

fuck man

im shaking again

will continue to edit later


gonna finish this...

i dont know a light way to put this...

but i took a person's life today.

shit... just remembering it....

no. i cant think of it. i cant. i wont. it never happened...

but..his eyes... those horrid eyes... why did he stare at me when i was.......

damn it... i know that he was likely a proxy and i know that i shouldnt feel bad and i know i did it for survival and i know that i am just a blithering moron....


have to find something to laugh at in all this... (taking a rule from Sandra here)

at least... he brought me my stuff? thats not funny... but it was nice...

even if my camera is now gone... damn... that dick mustve done something with it... i didnt get to upload anything... well i still have my laptop so its all good.

on a different note i feel now is a good time to list the things i love and the things i fear  must conquer:

light, gentle rain

I must conquer:
the dark
closed doors
open doors (yes Ava, i fear them too, though not to your extreme)
being completely lost

one last thing: things i must do before i die:
find true love (sounds cheesy and unobtainable for me right now, but i can hope right?)
raise a child (see above)
make this all stop

there are somethings i WANT (not need) to do before i die, but now is not the time to talk about those.

now is the time for calming the fuck down.


Stay Sane, Stay Alive


  1. Oh thank god you're alive. Live. We love you.

  2. thank you ava. i am very surprised i am alive...

    hows the day to day over there?

  3. I'm so sorry for your loss. And I don't mean his life, I mean that part of you that did't know what it was like to take a life, but the fact that you're morally struggling over it means that you're still human, right? Something he can't ever take from you.

    FINALLY. Another person. Though I'm pissed I'm the only one who's fucking petrified, it's good to now I'm not alone in the fear brigade.

    I fully, totally recommend getting a large dog. They hate him and really fucking go for the Proxies/Hallowed/Agents.

    You're not lost, not when you have friends who are ALWAYS willing to help. And I re-iterate, London. If you any-possible-way can, FIND ME. FIND US. If not, well, I'll still help over the net.

    Over here? Well, not quite so good, but alive. Going to try out Mum's Theory today, y'know, once we get the lame Tuxedo Mask of our lawn. He's STILL there, he's been there all night.

    Please live.

  4. i didnt even know...

    yeah, im sure there are others out there, but they probably arent man enough to admit it. Closed doors scare me more though, because you dont know what is behind them. and seeing how i am ME (one who wants to understand and know) it terrifies me when something is unknown.

    the problem with getting dogs is that i need to travel still. i wouldnt be able to take care of them and they would likely die on me. while the sentiment is nice, it just couldnt happen.

    dude, if at all possible, give Tuxedo Mask a good punch in the face for me. i never liked that character anyway, self righteous prick...

    dont worry. i am trying my best.

  5. Oh yeah, there probably are, if not we're SPESHUL SNOWFLAKES *googly eyes*

    Same, it why humanity is afraid of the dark, becuase we don't know what's in there.

    Mmmm. Just how rough are you sleeping at the moment?

    Oh, well, you'll be happy to know I maced him. I'll post it in a minute, I just need to catch up on all my messages.

    Try harder. I'd hate to see you die.

  6. id hate to see me die too Ava.

    BTW: i am currently with another runner, will post about it later.

    for some reason he doesnt trust my laptop (cant say i blame him)

    and when you say "post" do you mean pics? because that would be beyond awesome seeing Tuxedo Mask getting maced (and by maced i mean by the medieval weapon)

    about sleep: i... havent been sleeping well... last night i tried. woke up about an hour later then i would fall asleep again. Did that the entire night.

    anyway, im gonna try to get this runner to trust the magic screen.

  7. stay strong....
    be careful who you trust

  8. Okay, you're the final guy I'm trying to reach out to now, I don't think my connection can take much more.

    You won't know me, but I really need some help, my life depends on it.

    No need to reply to this comment, everything I'm going through is on my most recent entry.