here are some pictures that were on my camera's SD card. i remember taking these, vaguely, so this mustve been when i wasnt inside the labyrinth. of course, i dont remember WHEN i took them... i hope you enjoy them.
Shot gun shell that was thrown at me:
if you guys see anything unusual about these pictures, please tell me
Never have I seen such a ferocious storm of shit like this.
Even when I was in the Labyrinth.
Even when I was searching for Slenderfuck earlier today.
Don't get me wrong; those are extremely shitty things, what with the hallucinations and the fact that I couldn't find Slendy, but knew he was there.
Hell man... This is is crazy shit.
Everything seems to have fallen apart in my temporary absence.
Let's see; Ava, Reach, and Tony stormed the fort and got fucked in the ass, Inky got his fingers chopped and is no longer a blogger, Frap's shit got taken over, and it seems like everyone everywhere is diving head first into the deepest shit they can find.
Please, people, STOP BEING SO FUCKING RETARDED! OPEN YOUR DAMN EYES AND LOOK AROUND YOU!!! THIS ISN'T FUCKING HOLLYWOOD!!! THIS ISN'T A FUCKING GAME!!! WE ARE GOING TO DIE IF WE DO STUPID SHIT!!!
........ ........ ........
alright... might as well tell you guys what the fuck happened to me. not that it really matters.... you guys arent going to care anyway. seeing how apparently everyone just goes "fuck your shit, you are boring"...
i wrote slendy a note and put it in the tree outside my window. it said "Hey Slendy, we should talk" and i signed as No One Of Consequence. it was gone in the morning.
so yeah. remember how i was all "ima talk to slendy on our date"? yeah well, he didnt show up. yup.
i got stood up by an eldritch abomination.
worst feeling ever.
on saturday i was up at the church and i decided "HEY i should just go looking for him!" so i did. i took a small foray into the trees next to the church and started to talk to the trees.
im not crazy.
well, nothing happened. yup. completely wasted my time.
yeah, and then today i decided (before youth group started at the church) "HEY! LETS DO IT AGAIN"
so i went out again into the trees. this time i was more successful. after a bit of wandering, i came across a pile of random metal objects. nothing important, just some old desks, maybe a washing machine, not anything of note really. looked around a bit more and saw a giant septic tank.
with a giant red stain on it.
i stared at it for a moment and decided that was an adventure for a different time, seeing how by this time i was actually trespassing. ill go back sometime and try to get pics.
so i was heading back when something caught my eye. a white plastic bag caught on a tree. i walked over to it, looking around all paranoid and shit and opened it. nothing inside. i was bummed out.
and when i turned around i saw a lawn chair, a small wooden stump, a large piece of carpet, a couple bottles of alcohol and a man.
they werent there before.
anyway, i looked at him curiously for a moment until he finally noticed me standing there. his face was gruff looking, black beard, rough features, and eyes that had seen too much. his receding hair line and semi wrinkled face put him at around 40-50 in my book. he was smiling one of those "yeah im a kind awesome dude and there is no way you can disprove that" smiles. for some reason, it didnt unnerve me as badly as it should have.
he was just sitting there, smiling away at me for a moment, until he motioned for me to join him. he offered the wooden stump as a seat and i took it. now dont get me wrong! my mom taught me to never trust strangers like this, but there was just something... wrong... and yet so right about this man. his unnatural serenity and aura of kindness. it was... too much.
but yeah, i sat down next to him and he began to talk.
"so who are you?" his voice was just as gruff as his face.
i felt there was no other way to answer than "No One Of Consequence" and so i did just that. this was apparently amusing to him because he started to laugh at what i said.
"so you are him then?" that scared me. how did he know about me? i didnt question it though, the whole situation was too... serene... granted, he never gave me a chance to respond to that, because he just kept on going. "you know, i went through the same things you did. the hallucinations, the loss of sanity, the constant questioning of what is real and what is not. hell, i still do that last one. but i can let you in on a little secret about how to beat this thing, NOOC. would you like to know?" (side note: i think i mightve gotten some of what he said wrong, but this is close to what he said.)
i nodded, showing that i wanted to know. and i did. i assumed he was talking about slendy and all that shenanigans. and he was.
"well, you dont have to know everything, or believe anything. you just have to show that you wont stop. you know how to do that right?"
"i think so"
"dont think. just do" god i felt like i was talking to yoda... "you should try it out sometime. like now." he suddenly stood and stared down at me. he was really tall. not slendy tall, but this guy mustve been like 6' 4-5". im only like 5' 10". but that wasnt important, not really....
anyway, i turned around at that second and stood up. there was someone else. some guy in a a light jacket, a Wolfmother t-shirt, and some jeans. his shoes were what appeared to be combat boots. he had on some thick rimmed glasses and he was rather handsome, and around my age too.
i stared at him for a moment before turning to see that the man and all his stuff was gone, save the wooden stump that i had been sitting on. i only know consider the possibility of having hallucinated the man.
i return to looking at the new guy. he hadnt moved. just standing there like a statue.
i called out to him. "hey. who are you?"
his face lit up with a really fucking sadistic smile before responding. "my father wishes to tell you that your note was greatly appreciated."
i remember rather vividly that i thought "fuck" at that second. but i replied rather calmly. "well, where is he? i said that i wanted to talk to him, didnt i?"
"he will be meeting you in a while. right now, he has more important things to do than commune with someone as unimportant as you" yeah, even the fucking proxies know im unimportant. yippie...
"thanks. i really appreciate that." i knew that he was likely referring to the storm on the fort that ava, reach and tony were doing today. (god... ava needs to get rescued now? can we ever catch a fucking break?) "i thought i was one of those few special snowflakes that he would try to recruit into his perverse army"
he pretty much cackled. it was annoying as fucking hell. "special snowflake huh? yeah he wants you, but thats just because you can get shit done! just like me and the rest of his children."
that particular statement made me think he wasnt just a regular proxy. they dont usually have statements like that, you know all laden with things that dont exactly line up perfectly with the proxy thought process. this guy had free will and an opinion. it was at that moment that i was fairly certain i had a revenant on my hands.
i kinda... snapped at that moment though. you know, with my signature temper that i apparently have. (i dunno, apparently shelby think i get angry too easily.)
i start to yell. "fuck his children! i wont have a part of it! take your damn family and shove it up your ass! all i want is that slender bastard to show up so i can ask him [data expunged]" (yeah, i dont wanna tell you guys what i wanna ask him)
"well too damn bad, you pathetic worm. you are going to join us eventually. but now, for the reason i am here." he got all quiet and serious here. he pulled something out from his pocket and threw it at my feet. I knelt down and picked it up. it was a shotgun shell. i stared at it, and then at him.
"what the hell? what are you trying to tell me?"
he got that sadistic smile again. "ill give you three guesses as to who ate the lead on the other end of that shell"
i couldnt think of a proper answer or even what the hell was being proven with it. i stared at him like he was a crazy person. "i dont know... what is the point of showing me this?"
he wagged his finger at me and tapped his foot. "thats not the right attitude, matthew" god... hearing my name from his mouth was the single most disgusting thing ive ever heard in my life. i cringed when he said that. "but whatever, that was just a bonus for this meeting. i come with an offer. you can tell me right now that you want this all to stop and i can get your memory wiped and you can go back to your normal life. or you can go through hell and back again to accomplish absolutely nothing."
ill admit, the deal seemed pretty good to me at that moment. but i knew it would be the cop out, as well as that it was likely it wouldnt actually end for me. it could never end. "no. i cant give up. not when i havent yet done anything."
his smile faded and he walked up to me, looking really angry. "you just made yourself a powerful enemy" he spat at me.
i just laughed at him and told him how i was a powerful enemy indeed. that really pissed him off and he stormed away, unable to compete with my sharper tongue.
i now feel incredibly stupid, seeing how i pretty much talked back to a revenant who couldve killed me without a second thought. but lets face it, he shouldve killed me, so i think he was on orders to not do that.
but yeah, nothing else happened. i kept the shotgun shell and went back into the church and had a good time at youth group. no one was the wiser, which is how it should be.
but anyway... i got sleep to catch up on and a head full of depressing thoughts. so until next time, my few caring followers: i bid thee adue.
The Id's Ego/The Mouse/The Philosopher/The Crazy Fuck/The Strategist
well, after raging at a few things, i read something very heart warming and i just cant fucking resist posting something now... yeah im a fucking romantic, get over it...
Love is awesome. go find some, and keep it close
OK CLICHE SHIT IS OVER, lets put a very NOOCy spin on it! :D
love is not going "AROWEGIHAROGH OH I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AOIBHAOHB" its doing the small things for other people. HELL you dont even have to LIKE a person to love em.
you think i LIKE my sister? NO. but i love her! so im gonna stick around when her life goes pthbthb.
alright, now that i got that out of the way, lets talk about... hmmmmm.. ME
AH YES ME.
heyo everyone, names Matthew, been single for almost about half a year now, and i gotta say, its pretty nice. you know, all those desperate people out there scrambling for boyfriends and girlfriends are kinda... you know.. annoying.
when you honestly believe you think you need someone else to be beside you at all times like that, you have got some SERIOUS mental issues and should probably go talk to someone who isnt me, because ill end up yelling at you.
that being said, i have a personal philosophy:
"Tis better to have love, and be mistaken, than to be mistaken and actually love"
yup, thats right. i said that its better to confuse yourself into thinking you "love" someone (in the societal use of the word) than to actually have truly intimate feelings for someone and not recognize them.
"BUT MATTHEW YOURE JUST CONTRADICTING YOURSELF"
yeah yeah yeah, shut the fuck up. you think i give a damn? ive been in so many different frames of mind that these are both easily accepted truths in my mind, despite their contradictory nature.
so to hell with what i say
DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT
as long as youre happy and i dont have a knife in me, WE ARE ALL GOOD!
and now for a a short list of shout-outs
Tony and Cathy: yes, tony i know you said to butt the hell out of your business, but right now, i couldnt care less. im not gonna lecture you about being better as a married couple because FRANKLY i dont know a goddamn thing about it. in fact you should lecture ME about it. but more to the point: both of you are amazing people and i love your commitment to your goals.
Inky: i believe its been said many times, many ways MEEEEEEEEEEEERRY CHRISTMAS wait hold on... this is valentines day GET IT TOGETHER MATTHEW! anyway sorry about that. uh lesse you are a awesome guy, pretty damn sweet as far as i can tell too. youre starting to look a WEE bit paranoid, but thats ok; i like that in a man. hope you find someone who will make you happy and that you can make happy.
Ava: ......................................................................... i seriously thought i had something to say here, but as soon as i typed your name, i blanked.... so let it be known that youre doing awesomely in stuff and you should do other stuff with blahblahblahhavesomevalentinesdayclichesblah
uh... who is next....
Mr. Spender: though your convenient appearance and subsequent................ information gathering has left me slightly rattled, i believe that you are one of the good guys. doesnt mean i trust you one bit, just means i no longer think you are going to outright stab us in the back. so you best not be lying about this info you are bringing me.
gah... i cant think of anyone else...
Slenderman: Happy Valentines Day, my tall friend. I hope that your day will be filled with much merriment and love. If I could, I would gladly give you a hug right now and talk to you about whatever you wanted to discuss. In fact, let's set a date! How about, this friday! We can talk all you want! I'll be seeing you then.
and that is all for now guys...
The Id's Ego/The Mouse/The Philosopher of Mentality/The Crazy Fucker
well..................... i seem to have hallucinated my return home and subsequent murder of my parents.
it never happened.
how do i know?
because they are outside my room right now, trying to get me to talk to them.
yup. thats right kiddies. Ol' Matthew went home for REAL. and im not running ever again. EVER. im gonna stand and fight this shit.
i dont know what slendy was trying to accomplish with the hallucinations and the Labyrinth, but it sure as hell made my resolve more solid than anything else. seriously though guys. after i get caught up with other shit, im going to return to my normal life.
so, here's the big deal:
i may never post again here.
if nothing happens after this, ill just fade away and leave you guys to your stuff.
yeah, ill still keep up with you guys and yell at you all for doing stupid things, but HEY! im out of the woods for now, and i wanna enjoy it.
can you really blame me either?
*sigh* it really is nice to be home... even if i got a shitload of things to do...
just on a random thought................
i really do wanna meet a lot of you people...
like Ava, Tony, Cathy, Inky basically anyone who i became friends with when i was in the labyrinth.
so if you want to meet up some time, any of you guys, just drop me a message and i will see what i can cook up.
man... so tired...
anyway, i love all you guys so much, even if the context is now very obscure seeing how i hallucinated a lot of shit, so you guys dont really know what has REALLY been going on...
but then again, neither do i!
but yeah, if nothing tall dark and malicious happens to me ever again, this might as well be my last ever post.
unless i find something equally important to talk about.
The Mouse who Got the Cheese
for what may be the last time, i command you all to:
SO! Apparently, i was in the labyrinth. or something similar. but... whatever... i guess some time ago i was taken by the proxies. have no clue when or where. but they took me. and ive been hallucinating a good many things.
and i have no clue what those things are.
but they let me have my laptop, which, as you know, i have been using to write these blogs. as well as read your blogs.
its a stretch to believe it.. i know... im having trouble myself as i reread this stuff...
well nothing really happened, except... weird thing with comments.
so this chick Deraviant has been leaving rather annoyingly anger-inducing comments on my "good fucking riddance" post. not much there, cept that her friend left a non-existant message at some point. Reynard this guy calls himself.
im staring at my email that is telling me he/she commented BUT I SEE NO COMMENT ON THE BLOG. it wasnt deleted either; it wouldve left something there that said "this comment deleted by user".
so whoever the hell you are Reynard, come out and explain yourself. i dont like people doing shit remotely close to what this appears to be; hacking.
it WOULD be nice to meet you as well, but I DONT SEE YOU HERE. and also, what kind of shit are you going through with all this? proxies? slendy? loss of sanity? WHAT?!
speaking of sanity, i will share some thing now.
back in California, where i was born and raised, i didnt have many friends. three at school and two at home. the two at home were sam and jody. they were some very nice girls of asian decent. we had lots of fun playing hide and seek for hours on end.
the three at school changed my whole fucking life. i have always been shy, but when i became friends with them, they brought out my hyperactive side. Saneil, cool indian dude who is my best friend of all time, Balint, awesome dude (think he was russian or something) who i never really got to know that well, and Alex, skinny white kid like me who had some mental issues that i didnt know about until a couple years ago.
my first pet was Sony. Sony was a cat with three legs. lost the fourth in barbed wire. he was grouchy and mean, but i loved him and he loved me.
in texas, i had two dogs. first to come was Oreo, a border collie that was probably abused as a puppy, as evidenced by deformed tail and ear. shes fat and a jerk and very protective of her family. Hershey was the second. he is hyper and excitable, often getting TOO excited, if you catch my drift. but he was just a ton of fun and i loved him a lot.
my dream job is to become a video game designer, drawing character concepts and level designs as well as developing plot and storyline for the games.
i can play the drums pretty well...
my dream for my life is to marry a lovely woman and raise one or two kids in a nice home with a siberian husky named geiger.
i was gonna have big long epic post. but im fucking tired.
so here it is: what happened last night
i left my roof and walked toward slendy. i didnt show any emotion and didnt carry any weapons. fuck, i even smiled at him. he tilted his head in that magical way.
"Hey there, dude" (yeah i called him dude)
he just stared at me. looked confused really. i laughed at him. he tilted his head the other way and i heard... a voice in my head, smooth and melodic.
"why arent you afraid of me?"
ok yeah, that scared the shit out of me.
"because i have nothing left to lose."
"Because i lost my entire family and everyone i ever knew. hell, the people i know on the internet are barely helping" (sorry guys, thats just what i told him... i... might have meant it at the time... but i... fuck it...)
"are you alone then?"
"would you like to be in my family?"
i scoffed and turned away. he started saying things in my head, about how great it would be and all that shit. i walked away calmly, back to the malicious eldritch abomination.
called back to him as i walked away
"See ya later, slendy"
i dont know who is confused more; me or him.
also; why didnt he kill me? maybe to keep teh Tulpa effect? or possibly to try to make me a proxy? i dunno...
its a fantastic book and you really should read you lazy couch potato.
i remember the first time i read it, it was 9th grade and the whole novel fascinated me. boys killing boys, it was truly inspirational stuff.
the thing that i remember the most was the pig's head on a stick. one of the characters, the sensible one Simon, named it Beelzebub.
Simon would sit in front of it for long periods of time and hallucinate, except he KNEW he was hallucinating.it was some crazy shit.
the boys end up killing him and the other voice of reason, piggy, when they lose their humanity.
the reason i brought this up is simple.
and im going to say this simply.
i am going to start gauging my sanity better.
i dont want to end up like those boys, killing each other just because they are scared and are trying to act like savages to survive. no. i cant be them. i must be bigger. stronger. more sane.
having killed... 4 people now... two of them being... my parents.......
i feel like i may be losing myself.
so here it goes.
remembering who i am:
moved to texas. was very scared. i didnt like the weather or our apartment. im sitting in bed, reading a book. i dont remember which... but its dark....
im sitting at my desk, writing the same line over and over "i will do all of my homework" because well, i didnt do all of my homework.
christmas 2009. got a laptop. was very happy. ecstatic. i stay holed up in my room for a long time with no outside contact, playing games on it.
summer 2010, i get my second girlfriend. nice girl, but the relationship is very... light really. yeah we liked each other, but we didnt really do much together. it was more a thing of "im lonely, youre lonely, lets get together" and it worked for what it was. she introduced me to deviant art and a few groups. i enjoy it and start drawing a lot more than i used to. we break up before school starts, but she has me hooked on dA and RP groups (super fun things for people who dont have to run like i do).
...thats a good start...
but i feel like.. i should do more...
...i will later...
for now, i must sleep, despite the fact that i just saw tall dark and slender staring at me from across the street.
yeah, what do you WANT? i think i might try talking to him. im not afraid of him anymore.
but if i dont say anything for a long time, its safe to assume i died and in that case.
The Last Will and Testament of Matthew (no im still not putting my full name on here)
Should i pass into the next life, i wish for my body to be buried as it is found. autopsies can be taken, but i wish that a copy of the results be buried with me. also, all personal affects on my person must be buried with me. whatever i am wearing must go down with me.
anyway, nuff with the morbid shit.
a few shout outs before i go to sleep:
Ava- thank god you are alive.... screw what i said earlier, if you are ever in the texas region, hit me up. ill see if we can arrange a meeting.
Tony- same goes for you. keep running bro.
Yggy- thank you for the concern. it really means a lot to me. more than you can imagine.
Liam- dude, go kick ass.
Jeff and Cheska- keep your love strong. let it keep you strong. dont you ever let it go.
Frap- what is going on dude? something wrong?
Robert- cant wait to see that compilation of people
Cathy- my dear woman, you must stay strong. even when something batshit insane stands in your way. i cant help you find your daughter, but i will try to find out information and help you decrypt any info you get.
Cynthia- oh my dear girl. you think i am becoming one of you. but there is one distinct difference between me and you proxies. i know how to love and be loved. whatever sad excuse for love you have is pathetic. your daddy may be happy at how well i kill people, but i am happy that i can at least do the act and still have a bunch of people who accept me for who i am.
Oh last thing: if you didnt catch my comment on my last post, i killed Bruder. his head is on a stick in what used to be my front yard.
details might come later if they are requested.
until next time
Stay Sane, Stay Alive
Someone of Consequence
(and now for that title that i have been trying to come up with forever)
The Id's Ego
(if you dont know what the hell that means to me, just ask)
or are things seeming like they are about to hit the fan?
Ok lets see: Cathy going to her old school on a hunch. Ava and Reach both about to dive head first at the enemy. Frap... something happened there. Inky is in the hospital and something shady is going on around him (just a hunch on my part). Tony is hitchhiking (that can NOT be good). Sandra, Lya, and Matt are being attacked indirectly by both Slendy and whatever the hell ///It/// is. Over here, everything is getting too damn quiet. Top this all off with the sudden influx of new people and trolls who may or may not be proxies?
We, dear people of the stalked, have all the ingredients for some BAD shit.
i might just be paranoid as fuck though. (doubt it...)
Anyway, more personal news; havent spotted Slenderfuck in a while now, nor his minions. School is still out and i found out no school tomorrow either...
Which makes me wonder if Slendy has control of the weather... maybe he is keeping me away from school for a reason... i dunno... just paranoia again...
also, i think it might just be me... but my parents have... been too damn calm about this whole situation, you know me running away and then coming back not too much later covered in wounds. Yeah sure it was still all tears and yelling, but....................... it was as big of a deal as i thought it was going to be. Well, needless to say, it unnerves me that they havent done anything to truly punish me for this... something isnt right.
Alas, i require a drink of the juice type that is of the orange color and flavor.