Saturday, February 5, 2011

Lord of the Flies

its a fantastic book and you really should read you lazy couch potato.

i remember the first time i read it, it was 9th grade and the whole novel fascinated me. boys killing boys, it was truly inspirational stuff.

the thing that i remember the most was the pig's head on a stick. one of the characters, the sensible one Simon, named it Beelzebub.

Simon would sit in front of it for long periods of time and hallucinate, except he KNEW he was was some crazy shit.

the boys end up killing him and the other voice of reason, piggy, when they lose their humanity.

the reason i brought this up is simple.

and im going to say this simply.

i am going to start gauging my sanity better.

i dont want to end up like those boys, killing each other just because they are scared and are trying to act like savages to survive. no. i cant be them. i must be bigger. stronger. more sane.

having killed... 4 people now... two of them being... my parents.......

i feel like i may be losing myself.

so here it goes.

remembering who i am:

moved to texas. was very scared. i didnt like the weather or our apartment. im sitting in bed, reading a book. i dont remember which... but its dark....

im sitting at my desk, writing the same line over and over "i will do all of my homework" because well, i didnt do all of my homework.

christmas 2009. got a laptop. was very happy. ecstatic. i stay holed up in my room for a long time with no outside contact, playing games on it.

summer 2010, i get my second girlfriend. nice girl, but the relationship is very... light really. yeah we liked each other, but we didnt really do much together. it was more a thing of "im lonely, youre lonely, lets get together" and it worked for what it was. she introduced me to deviant art and a few groups. i enjoy it and start drawing a lot more than i used to. we break up before school starts, but she has me hooked on dA and RP groups (super fun things for people who dont have to run like i do).

...thats a good start...

but i feel like.. i should do more...

...i will later...

for now, i must sleep, despite the fact that i just saw tall dark and slender staring at me from across the street.

yeah, what do you WANT? i think i might try talking to him. im not afraid of him anymore.

but if i dont say anything for a long time, its safe to assume i died and in that case.

The Last Will and Testament of Matthew (no im still not putting my full name on here)

Should i pass into the next life, i wish for my body to be buried as it is found. autopsies can be taken, but i wish that a copy of the results be buried with me. also, all personal affects on my person must be buried with me. whatever i am wearing must go down with me.

anyway, nuff with the morbid shit.

a few shout outs before i go to sleep:

Ava- thank god you are alive.... screw what i said earlier, if you are ever in the texas region, hit me up. ill see if we can arrange a meeting.

Tony- same goes for you. keep running bro.

Yggy- thank you for the concern. it really means a lot to me. more than you can imagine.

Liam- dude, go kick ass.

Jeff and Cheska- keep your love strong. let it keep you strong. dont you ever let it go.

Frap- what is going on dude? something wrong?

Robert- cant wait to see that compilation of people

Cathy- my dear woman, you must stay strong. even when something batshit insane stands in your way. i cant help you find your daughter, but i will try to find out information and help you decrypt any info you get.

Cynthia- oh my dear girl. you think i am becoming one of you. but there is one distinct difference between me and you proxies. i know how to love and be loved. whatever sad excuse for love you have is pathetic. your daddy may be happy at how well i kill people, but i am happy that i can at least do the act and still have a bunch of people who accept me for who i am.

Oh last thing: if you didnt catch my comment on my last post, i killed Bruder. his head is on a stick in what used to be my front yard.

details might come later if they are requested.

until next time

Stay Sane, Stay Alive

Someone of Consequence
(and now for that title that i have been trying to come up with forever)
The Id's Ego

(if you dont know what the hell that means to me, just ask)


  1. OC (Matt? I don't know what's appropriate for me to address you), I like the idea of keeping a log of your memories of what life was like before. I might have to implement that technique myself, as I've recently discovered my past memories aren't quite...reliable.

    I'm very curious about what The Id's Ego means to you; I am fascinated by the concepts of Id, Ego, and Super-Ego especially concerning their relationship to dreams. If you would be so kind, please enlighten me.

  2. Ah, but Simon was also an metaphor for Jesus, was he not?

    Id's Ego.....nicely done. The primal's civilization.

    Please don't die.

  3. Matt...

    If I ever come over there, if Slendy ever does die...I'm buying you a drink. Hard liquor.

  4. Fine! All is fine! Do not worry! Frap is fine! Be safe! Do not fear!

  5. @ Ouro, please, if youre gonna true name me, please say Matthew. And the Id's Ego is, as Ava put it, the primal's civilization. basically, im trying to stay savage, yet connected to society.

    @Ava, well of course he was! everyone who actually read the book knows that. but lets face it, even with that heavy handed symbolism, the fact that he is a boy who is losing his innocence in the most grotesque way is never negated.
    I thought so as well, seeing how im trying to be human and inhuman at the same time.
    and trust me, i have too many things i want to do before i die. may be a pipe dream, but i plan on, after all this shit is over, having a house, a wife, couple kids, and a Siberian husky named Geiger.

    @Inky, though i may not be of legal drinking age yet, i think i would enjoy that drink with you dude. stay safe. please, for the sake of my sanity, if for nothing else, stay alive.

    @Frap, last person who told me that to my face was suicidal. sorry, not buying it.

  6. How did you explain your parents to the police, kid? And having a head stuck out on your front lawn doesn't sound too smart either. People are gonna notice so you should probably take it down.

  7. explain? you think i stayed around long enough to see the police converge on my ex-house?

    no way dude. im not an idiot.

    lets see here, i get arrested and i go to jail for life, most likely. 4 murders. not exactly easily overlooked.

    course if i went to jail, id get away from it all... hmmm... but knowing slendy... he would show up...

  8. Whoa dude four murders? Who's this slendy shank?
    Dang I really feel for you whatever is going on.

    I'd been planning on reading the Lord of the Flies. You can only check out four books at a time though and I haven't been able to yet.
    So thanks for the spoilers... =/

  9. Slendy? all i can say about him is that he is the single worst shit to ever hit the fan since the dawn of time.

    dont. get. involved.

    it will ruin your life.

    bit of perspective: im 17 and all this shit happened.

    and sorry about the spoilers. you should still read it though. great novel.

  10. I'm 15. I'm still planing on it reading it.
    Is slendy the person who's been following you?
    I've been reading some of your older posts and am a little confused. Or is slendy not really a person, but like a consept of some sort? Or a group of people. I've noticed the name mentioned in other blogs. And I'm thinking that he/she/them must be more than one person.

  11. slendy is an it. commonly referred to as a he. its just something that wants us dead. like i said, dont get involved. you dont want this kind of shit to start happening.

    last note: slendy = ludicrously tall person with no face in a business suit.


  12. Seriously, this shit can't be stressed enough. This shit is so un-wizard.

    So ya, don't get involved if your sanity and heartbeat means something to you.