i won't even pretend for a moment that i forgot about this thing. i will, however tell you what the hell ive been up to.

after my rather sudden drop off the face of the planet a while back, i did some thinking. things were nice for a while and i could let my mind actually stretch and do its little routine of taking things a bit too far. yeah i had a bit of weirdness that i posted, but that was during my whole "wtf is wrong with my mind am i being followed why should i care" phase.... might say more on that later.

anyway, i came to the conclusion of slendy not actually following me at all. how did i do that? well im glad you asked. none of it happened.

that's right. it was all in my head. i wanted to believe it so therefore i did. and you know what, it was a massive relief to me. i could smile again with genuine bliss. sure now i realize that i was CRAZY but that's a small price to pay for freedom, dont you think?

so yeah, i graduated yesterday from high school and i am quite proud of myself... today i looked at my email and saw a message from this site. and i debated for a bit if i should come back or not. as you can see, i did.

i don't know why im back, i mean i was only crazy and thusly have nothing to contribute here anymore. maybe it has to do with the whole "im still attached to you guys" deal, but i doubt it; all of my so-called friendships were forged in a state of hysteria.

i dont mean to put you guys down... i still believe a few of you are being followed by that thing, but i know now that it could probably just be more insanity or something... i dunno...

now then... i think im gonna get all caught up on all of your crazy things.

i don't think i can go on very much longer i dont even care enought o explain why just fuck everyhting

you guys keepdoing your useless hsit againt these fuckers

im just gonna fade away

Sometimes I wonder...

am i on the right side?

-mAtthew

SOUND OFF

EVERYONE STILL ALIVE SAY SOMETHING NOW

yup thats right, kiddos. Old man NOOC is having a paranoia attack.

who the hell is still even looking around anymore?

i mean seriously, why has everyone gone... quiet....

anyway, what happened at the park:

NOTHING

i brought my book and a bag full of... defenses... and NOTHING HAPPENS. i now know why kaiju didnt show, but seriously? no proxies popped up to say hello? slendy didn't even drop by to tell me im fucked?

were all these warning signs for nothing?

...am... i even being followed?...






...im going to go poke the sleeping bear now...

...all alone...

where the fuck are my parents? ITS 12:30 AM AND THEY AREN'T HOME.

THIS.

NEVER.

HAPPENS.

and on the day im supposed to meet kaiju too...

this is no coincidence...

something bad is happening... i just know it...

will update later when i calm down from my short mental breakdown...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

alright, everyone is home now.

still... odd that they got home at 1 AM...

and then my dad HAD to point out the fact that tonight is when the moon is closest to the earth AND that it is a full moon.

hooray... full super moon (as he called it)

when we went out side to look at it, there was a VERY definite ring of clouds around it... too dark to take a picture of it though... but it looked like a giant fucking eye.

call me superstitious, but there is no way that can be a good omen...

im having second thoughts about meeting with kaiju now... but i have to go through with it... but i will be VERY cautious... probably to a faulty degree... *sigh*

anyway, im gonna try to calm my nerves and then sleep

-Matthew

That there video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozrnhNe8eCg

Here is the video. Not much going on really. that distortion got buffed out for the most part when i uploaded to youtube. the feminine voice is still in there... but the negative screen isnt... anyway...

im going to bed... doing something exceedingly normal tomorrow: dentist appointment. havent had one since a long time ago.

i see the fan, now where's the shit

im nearly in tears about how bad this looks...

just today, i was walking my dog and on the last leg of it, i looked at the sky cuz it was so gorgeous. i looked higher still and saw more gorgeousness.

then i saw the operator symbol.

the fucking CLOUDS were a giant fucking operator symbol.

i shat my pants and ran my ass back to my house.

also, tried to take video of the entire cloud formation, but the wind had disturbed it too much, so i couldnt get the entire thing in it's complete form.

but it was there, and i am scared out of my fucking mind.

what the HELL is going to happen here?

Here is said vid:

ok... maybe not... for some reason, i cant upload the video... but i will continue to try to do so.... i looked at it again... while there is only No One in the vid (along with my dogs) there is also a single, strange distortion. randomly as i am talking, the whole screen goes negative and i can hear a voice, saying something that i cant understand. sounded female, but i dont know... ill look into it and report my findings...

my try to upload to youtube next...

new blog

yeah i  gots a new one. for bitching and moaning.

http://staysanestayalive.blogspot.com/

so if you are interesting in me bitching and moaning, go there.

a few things

alrighty then. its been a while since i last updated... and a few things have happened...

i am in a terrible mood, so im just gonna list them and get it over with.

1) recently started hearing stuff in the attic. am too afraid to look.

2)woke up the other day and had writing all over my arms. said "no escape, no life. sees me us." all the o's had x's through them and me was x'd out. other wrist just had the operator symbol on it.

3)jamming at a friends house today. twas fun. till some guy was standing outside in a red shirt, staring in at us. according to my friend, he was rocking out to the song we were playing, along with his girlfriend. i dont think for a second that they were just passers-by that stopped for the pretty music. they were watching me. i know it.

anyway. too tired to do anything else or go into detail.. might read a few blogs... but then im gonna sleep and hope i dont wake up to find im dead...

picture dump

here are some pictures that were on my camera's SD card. i remember taking these, vaguely, so this mustve been when i wasnt inside the labyrinth. of course, i dont remember WHEN i took them... i hope you enjoy them.

Shot gun shell that was thrown at me:

if you guys see anything unusual about these pictures, please tell me

everything breaks

It's true, you know.

Never have I seen such a ferocious storm of shit like this.

Even when I was in the Labyrinth.

Even when I was searching for Slenderfuck earlier today.

Don't get me wrong; those are extremely shitty things, what with the hallucinations and the fact that I couldn't find Slendy, but knew he was there.

Hell man... This is is crazy shit.

Everything seems to have fallen apart in my temporary absence.

Let's see; Ava, Reach, and Tony stormed the fort and got fucked in the ass, Inky got his fingers chopped and is no longer a blogger,  Frap's shit got taken over, and it seems like everyone everywhere is diving head first into the deepest shit they can find.

Please, people, STOP BEING SO FUCKING RETARDED! OPEN YOUR DAMN EYES AND LOOK AROUND YOU!!! THIS ISN'T FUCKING HOLLYWOOD!!! THIS ISN'T A FUCKING GAME!!! WE ARE GOING TO DIE IF WE DO STUPID SHIT!!!

........ ........ ........

alright... might as well tell you guys what the fuck happened to me. not that it really matters.... you guys arent going to care anyway. seeing how apparently everyone just goes "fuck your shit, you are boring"...

i wrote slendy a note and put it in the tree outside my window. it said "Hey Slendy, we should talk" and i signed as No One Of Consequence. it was gone in the morning.

so yeah. remember how i was all "ima talk to slendy on our date"? yeah well, he didnt show up. yup.

i got stood up by an eldritch abomination.

worst feeling ever.

but whatever.

on saturday i was up at the church and i decided "HEY i should just go looking for him!" so i did. i took a small foray into the trees next to the church and started to talk to the trees.

:D

...

im not crazy.

well, nothing happened. yup. completely wasted my time.

yeah, and then today i decided (before youth group started at the church) "HEY! LETS DO IT AGAIN"

so i went out again into the trees. this time i was more successful. after a bit of wandering, i came across a pile of random metal objects. nothing important, just some old desks, maybe a washing machine, not anything of note really. looked around a bit more and saw a giant septic tank.

with a giant red stain on it.

i stared at it for a moment and decided that was an adventure for a different time, seeing how by this time i was actually trespassing. ill go back sometime and try to get pics.

so i was heading back when something caught my eye. a white plastic bag caught on a tree. i walked over to it, looking around all paranoid and shit and opened it. nothing inside. i was bummed out.

and when i turned around i saw a lawn chair, a small wooden stump, a large piece of carpet, a couple bottles of alcohol and a man.

they werent there before.

anyway, i looked at him curiously for a moment until he finally noticed me standing there. his face was gruff looking, black beard, rough features, and eyes that had seen too much. his receding hair line and semi wrinkled face put him at around 40-50 in my book. he was smiling one of those "yeah im a kind awesome dude and there is no way you can disprove that" smiles. for some reason, it didnt unnerve me as badly as it should have.

he was just sitting there, smiling away at me for a moment, until he motioned for me to join him. he offered the wooden stump as a seat and i took it. now dont get me wrong! my mom taught me to never trust strangers like this, but there was just something... wrong... and yet so right about this man. his unnatural serenity and aura of kindness. it was... too much.

but yeah, i sat down next to him and he began to talk.

"so who are you?" his voice was just as gruff as his face.

i felt there was no other way to answer than "No One Of Consequence" and so i did just that. this was apparently amusing to him because he started to laugh at what i said.

"so you are him then?" that scared me. how did he know about me? i didnt question it though, the whole situation was too... serene... granted, he never gave me a chance to respond to that, because he just kept on going. "you know, i went through the same things you did. the hallucinations, the loss of sanity, the constant questioning of what is real and what is not. hell, i still do that last one. but i can let you in on a little secret about how to beat this thing, NOOC. would you like to know?" (side note: i think i mightve gotten some of what he said wrong, but this is close to what he said.)

i nodded, showing that i wanted to know. and i did. i assumed he was talking about slendy and all that shenanigans. and he was.

"well, you dont have to know everything, or believe anything. you just have to show that you wont stop. you know how to do that right?"

"i think so"

"dont think. just do" god i felt like i was talking to yoda... "you should try it out sometime. like now." he suddenly stood and stared down at me. he was really tall. not slendy tall, but this guy mustve been like 6' 4-5". im only like 5' 10". but that wasnt important, not really....

anyway, i turned around at that second and stood up. there was someone else. some guy in a a light jacket, a Wolfmother t-shirt, and some jeans. his shoes were what appeared to be combat boots. he had on some thick rimmed glasses and he was rather handsome, and around my age too.

i stared at him for a moment before turning to see that the man and all his stuff was gone, save the wooden stump that i had been sitting on. i only know consider the possibility of having hallucinated the man.

i return to looking at the new guy. he hadnt moved. just standing there like a statue.

i called out to him. "hey. who are you?"

his face lit up with a really fucking sadistic smile before responding. "my father wishes to tell you that your note was greatly appreciated."

i remember rather vividly that i thought "fuck" at that second. but i replied rather calmly. "well, where is he? i said that i wanted to talk to him, didnt i?"

"he will be meeting you in a while. right now, he has more important things to do than commune with someone as unimportant as you" yeah, even the fucking proxies know im unimportant. yippie...

"thanks. i really appreciate that." i knew that he was likely referring to the storm on the fort that ava, reach and tony were doing today. (god... ava needs to get rescued now? can we ever catch a fucking break?) "i thought i was one of those few special snowflakes that he would try to recruit into his perverse army"

he pretty much cackled. it was annoying as fucking hell. "special snowflake huh? yeah he wants you, but thats just because you can get shit done! just like me and the rest of his children."

that particular statement made me think he wasnt just a regular proxy. they dont usually have statements like that, you know all laden with things that dont exactly line up perfectly with the proxy thought process. this guy had free will and an opinion. it was at that moment that i was fairly certain i had a revenant on my hands.

i kinda... snapped at that moment though. you know, with my signature temper that i apparently have. (i dunno, apparently shelby think i get angry too easily.)

i start to yell. "fuck his children! i wont have a part of it! take your damn family and shove it up your ass! all i want is that slender bastard to show up so i can ask him [data expunged]" (yeah, i dont wanna tell you guys what i wanna ask him)

"well too damn bad, you pathetic worm. you are going to join us eventually. but now, for the reason i am here." he got all quiet and serious here. he pulled something out from his pocket and threw it at my feet. I knelt down and picked it up. it was a shotgun shell. i stared at it, and then at him.

"what the hell? what are you trying to tell me?"

he got that sadistic smile again. "ill give you three guesses as to who ate the lead on the other end of that shell"

i couldnt think of a proper answer or even what the hell was being proven with it. i stared at him like he was a crazy person. "i dont know... what is the point of showing me this?"

he wagged his finger at me and tapped his foot. "thats not the right attitude, matthew" god... hearing my name from his mouth was the single most disgusting thing ive ever heard in my life. i cringed when he said that. "but whatever, that was just a bonus for this meeting. i come with an offer. you can tell me right now that you want this all to stop and i can get your memory wiped and you can go back to your normal life. or you can go through hell and back again to accomplish absolutely nothing."

ill admit, the deal seemed pretty good to me at that moment. but i knew it would be the cop out, as well as that it was likely it wouldnt actually end for me. it could never end. "no. i cant give up. not when i havent yet done anything."

his smile faded and he walked up to me, looking really angry. "you just made yourself a powerful enemy" he spat at me.

i just laughed at him and told him how i was a powerful enemy indeed. that really pissed him off and he stormed away, unable to compete with my sharper tongue.

i now feel incredibly stupid, seeing how i pretty much talked back to a revenant who couldve killed me without a second thought. but lets face it, he shouldve killed me, so i think he was on orders to not do that.

but yeah, nothing else happened. i kept the shotgun shell and went back into the church and had a good time at youth group. no one was the wiser, which is how it should be.

but anyway... i got sleep to catch up on and a head full of depressing thoughts. so until next time, my few caring followers: i bid thee adue.

-Matthew
The Id's Ego/The Mouse/The Philosopher/The Crazy Fuck/The Strategist

Stay Sane, Stay Alive

hesees me MEMEMEME leave ME ALONEIDONT LIKE ITNONONONONOyesyesyesYESnonoNONONONONO this isnt realitcantbereal WHYWHYWHWYWHY memememememeCONTROL

CONTROL

CONTROL

CONTROL

CONTROL

CONTROL

impossiblenoway i cant take it makeITStoP PLEASEStOPiDonTLIkEIT

CONTROLCONTROLCONTROLCONTROLCONTROL

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

...uh... hi guys... about this post...

i found this in my saved posts and... well i dont know when it got here... couldve been a while back...

anyway... it really scared me..

i havent been this scared... ever...

and right before my date with slendy...

tomorrow is the big day guys. me and slendy are gonna meet somewhere and im gonna have a friendly chat with tall dark and malicious.

dont try to stop me. and yes, i would rather go on a date with someone... human, but HEY might as well take what i can get right? *should be thrown into the pits of hell for referring to it as a date*

tell me what you think might have gone on with the above post...

it would be much appreciated.

in other news.

Daisee is back. no joke. the bad thing is that she is being held hostage. which is bull shit. Ava doesnt deserve that. Delta can go suck on Slendy's dick and choke on it till he dies.

Inky has been taken, which pisses me THE FUCK OFF BECAUSE I CANT DO A GOD DAMN FUCKING THING ABOUT IT! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO LIVE IN FUCKING AUSTRALIA MAN?! please come back...

uh uh uh uh uh.... OH

Spender is avoiding me after the anal rape i administered to his help. everytime i comment on his blog, it mysteriously vanishes in a minute. its starting to piss me off that he is such a sore loser.

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh...

think that might be it...

oh wait

NAPPA is underway, and i gotta say, even though i have my doubts about it, its good for us. good for morale and other bull shit concepts.

ok NOW its over

tis all she wrote.

-Matthew

The Id's Ego/The Mouse/The Philosopher/The Crazy Fuck/The Strategist

Stay Sane, Stay Alive

Let it go on record

That Mr. Spender is not a reliable source.

That's right kiddos!

Our newest member cannot fulfill the task he was so diligent on making sure to "complete"

i told him to gather info about a murder i may or may not have committed and he comes up with some stuff that sounds pretty good.

then he offers info about a friend of mine that i grew up with

he claimed that this person was Alex Michem and lived in texas.

he ACTUALLY lives in California and his last name is Rawlings.

dont try to hid the facts Spender.

I have found you to be unreliable and just bad at lying. how did you expect to say im destroying my credibility when im the only one who actually KNOWS the guy? you cant pull this shit on me man.

im smarter than that

and i dont want ANYONE believing him about Alex.

because he is obviously wrong.

SECOND ISSUE HERE: dude, Id. get a life. just cuz i use The Id's Ego as my title, doesnt mean i stole it from you.

never heard of you till now.

besides, Id's Ego has different meaning than just Id.

Id is the impulsive third of the brain.

Ego is the part that stops the impulse and see that it is wrong.

Super Ego is the part that offers an alternative.

Thusly, The Id's Ego would be the morality center of an impulsive entity.

AKA ME

anyway

im out for now

might rage some more later.

-Matthew
The Id's Ego/The Mouse/The Philosopher/The Crazy Fuck

Stay Sane, Stay Alive

fuck... i lied

well, after raging at a few things, i read something very heart warming and i just cant fucking resist posting something now... yeah im a fucking romantic, get over it...

Love is awesome. go find some, and keep it close

OK CLICHE SHIT IS OVER, lets put a very NOOCy spin on it! :D

love is not going "AROWEGIHAROGH OH I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AOIBHAOHB" its doing the small things for other people. HELL you dont even have to LIKE a person to love em.

you think i LIKE my sister? NO. but i love her! so im gonna stick around when her life goes pthbthb.

alright, now that i got that out of the way, lets talk about... hmmmmm.. ME

AH YES ME.

GLORIOUS

STUPENDOUS

DOESNTGIVEAFUCKIFHESSINGLETAKENORREJECTED ME

heyo everyone, names Matthew, been single for almost about half a year now, and i gotta say, its pretty nice. you know, all those desperate people out there scrambling for boyfriends and girlfriends are kinda... you know.. annoying.

when you honestly believe you think you need someone else to be beside you at all times like that, you have got some SERIOUS mental issues and should probably go talk to someone who isnt me, because ill end up yelling at you.

that being said, i have a personal philosophy:

"Tis better to have love, and be mistaken, than to be mistaken and actually love"

yup, thats right. i said that its better to confuse yourself into thinking you "love" someone (in the societal use of the word) than to actually have truly intimate feelings for someone and not recognize them.

"BUT MATTHEW YOURE JUST CONTRADICTING YOURSELF"

yeah yeah yeah, shut the fuck up. you think i give a damn? ive been in so many different frames of mind that these are both easily accepted truths in my mind, despite their contradictory nature.

so to hell with what i say

DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT

as long as youre happy and i dont have a knife in me, WE ARE ALL GOOD!

and now for a a short list of shout-outs

Tony and Cathy: yes, tony i know you said to butt the hell out of your business, but right now, i couldnt care less. im not gonna lecture you about being better as a married couple because FRANKLY i dont know a goddamn thing about it. in fact you should lecture ME about it. but more to the point: both of you are amazing people and i love your commitment to your goals.

Inky: i believe its been said many times, many ways MEEEEEEEEEEEERRY CHRISTMAS wait hold on... this is valentines day GET IT TOGETHER MATTHEW! anyway sorry about that. uh lesse you are a awesome guy, pretty damn sweet as far as i can tell too. youre starting to look a WEE bit paranoid, but thats ok; i like that in a man. hope you find someone who will make you happy and that you can make happy.

Ava: ......................................................................... i seriously thought i had something to say here, but as soon as i typed your name, i blanked.... so let it be known that youre doing awesomely in stuff and you should do other stuff with blahblahblahhavesomevalentinesdayclichesblah

uh... who is next....

...
...
......


Mr. Spender: though your convenient appearance and subsequent................ information gathering has left me slightly rattled, i believe that you are one of the good guys. doesnt mean i trust you one bit, just means i no longer think you are going to outright stab us in the back. so you best not be lying about this info you are bringing me.

gah... i cant think of anyone else...

wait...

hold on...

perfect....




Slenderman: Happy Valentines Day, my tall friend. I hope that your day will be filled with much merriment and love. If I could, I would gladly give you a hug right now and talk to you about whatever you wanted to discuss. In fact, let's set a date! How about, this friday! We can talk all you want! I'll be seeing you then.

and that is all for now guys...

nighto!~

-Matthew
The Id's Ego/The Mouse/The Philosopher of Mentality/The Crazy Fucker

Stay Sane, Stay Alive

first clue to the truth

well..................... i seem to have hallucinated my return home and subsequent murder of my parents.

it never happened.

how do i know?

because they are outside my room right now, trying to get me to talk to them.

yup. thats right kiddies. Ol' Matthew went home for REAL. and im not running ever again. EVER. im gonna stand and fight this shit.

i dont know what slendy was trying to accomplish with the hallucinations and the Labyrinth, but it sure as hell made my resolve more solid than anything else. seriously though guys. after i get caught up with other shit, im going to return to my normal life.

so, here's the big deal:

i may never post again here.

if nothing happens after this, ill just fade away and leave you guys to your stuff.

yeah, ill still keep up with you guys and yell at you all for doing stupid things, but HEY! im out of the woods for now, and i wanna enjoy it.

can you really blame me either?

*sigh* it really is nice to be home... even if i got a shitload of things to do...

.....................you know...

just on a random thought................

i really do wanna meet a lot of you people...

like Ava, Tony, Cathy, Inky basically anyone who i became friends with when i was in the labyrinth.

so if you want to meet up some time, any of you guys, just drop me a message and i will see what i can cook up.

man... so tired...

anyway, i love all you guys so much, even if the context is now very obscure seeing how i hallucinated a lot of shit, so you guys dont really know what has REALLY been going on...

but then again, neither do i!

but yeah, if nothing tall dark and malicious happens to me ever again, this might as well be my last ever post.

unless i find something equally important to talk about.

-Matthew

The Mouse who Got the Cheese

for what may be the last time, i command you all to:

Stay Sane, Stay Alive

When the shit hits the fan...

guys... what... the... fuck...

im not dead... but im PISSED AS FUCK.

here is a little explanation.

SO! Apparently, i was in the labyrinth. or something similar. but... whatever... i guess some time ago i was taken by the proxies. have no clue when or where. but they took me. and ive been hallucinating a good many things.

and i have no clue what those things are.

but they let me have my laptop, which, as you know, i have been using to write these blogs. as well as read your blogs.

its a stretch to believe it.. i know... im having trouble myself as i reread this stuff...

but please understand i am telling the truth...

anyway

i am going to retrace my steps.

figure out whats real and whats not.

im so sorry guys......

i love you guys...

i think...thisisthe end my friends

ican barely ty0e atallsomeone oncetoldme that dying formewoldbe painless



theylied

love youall

please... staysane and stay alivefor me









imsosorry

not much to say, sides FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

i hate fevers.....

sitting in someone's house... their attic actually... too damn cold in here.... i fucking hate this....

cant concentrate cant see straight... head hurting... eyes hurting... apparently bleeding too... huh...

what...no...noyouredead.....why...

...emily...

itcant be happeningtome...

well nothing really happened, except... weird thing with comments.

so this chick Deraviant has been leaving rather annoyingly anger-inducing comments on my "good fucking riddance" post. not much there, cept that her friend left a non-existant message at some point. Reynard this guy calls himself.

im staring at my email that is telling me he/she commented BUT I SEE NO COMMENT ON THE BLOG. it wasnt deleted either; it wouldve left something there that said "this comment deleted by user".

so whoever the hell you are Reynard, come out and explain yourself. i dont like people doing shit remotely close to what this appears to be; hacking.

it WOULD be nice to meet you as well, but I DONT SEE YOU HERE. and also, what kind of shit are you going through with all this? proxies? slendy? loss of sanity? WHAT?!

speaking of sanity, i will share some thing now.

back in California, where i was born and raised, i didnt have many friends. three at school and two at home. the two at home were sam and jody. they were some very nice girls of asian decent. we had lots of fun playing hide and seek for hours on end.

the three at school changed my whole fucking life. i have always been shy, but when i became friends with them, they brought out my hyperactive side. Saneil, cool indian dude who is my best friend of all time, Balint, awesome dude (think he was russian or something) who i never really got to know that well, and Alex, skinny white kid like me who had some mental issues that i didnt know about until a couple years ago.

my first pet was Sony. Sony was a cat with three legs. lost the fourth in barbed wire. he was grouchy and mean, but i loved him and he loved me.

in texas, i had two dogs. first to come was Oreo, a border collie that was probably abused as a puppy, as evidenced by deformed tail and ear. shes fat and a jerk and very protective of her family. Hershey was the second. he is hyper and excitable, often getting TOO excited, if you catch my drift. but he was just a ton of fun and i loved him a lot.

my dream job is to become a video game designer, drawing character concepts and level designs as well as developing plot and storyline for the games.

i can play the drums pretty well...

my dream for my life is to marry a lovely woman and raise one or two kids in a nice home with a siberian husky named geiger.

Emily...

...

i have to go now... fucking tears...

too damn tired to care

i was gonna have big long epic post. but im fucking tired.

so here it is: what happened last night

i left my roof and walked toward slendy. i didnt show any emotion and didnt carry any weapons. fuck, i even smiled at him. he tilted his head in that magical way.

"Hey there, dude" (yeah i called him dude)

he just stared at me. looked confused really. i laughed at him. he tilted his head the other way and i heard... a voice in my head, smooth and melodic.

"why arent you afraid of me?"

ok yeah, that scared the shit out of me.

"because i have nothing left to lose."

"why?"

"Because i lost my entire family and everyone i ever knew. hell, the people i know on the internet are barely helping" (sorry guys, thats just what i told him... i... might have meant it at the time... but i... fuck it...)

"are you alone then?"

"Guess so"

"would you like to be in my family?"

i scoffed and turned away. he started saying things in my head, about how great it would be and all that shit. i walked away calmly, back to the malicious eldritch abomination.

called back to him as i walked away

"See ya later, slendy"

i dont know who is confused more; me or him.

also; why didnt he kill me? maybe to keep teh Tulpa effect? or possibly to try to make me a proxy? i dunno...

might have hallucinated the entire thing....

will post more things to keep me sane tomorrow...

Lord of the Flies

its a fantastic book and you really should read you lazy couch potato.

i remember the first time i read it, it was 9th grade and the whole novel fascinated me. boys killing boys, it was truly inspirational stuff.

the thing that i remember the most was the pig's head on a stick. one of the characters, the sensible one Simon, named it Beelzebub.

Simon would sit in front of it for long periods of time and hallucinate, except he KNEW he was hallucinating.it was some crazy shit.

the boys end up killing him and the other voice of reason, piggy, when they lose their humanity.

the reason i brought this up is simple.

and im going to say this simply.

i am going to start gauging my sanity better.

i dont want to end up like those boys, killing each other just because they are scared and are trying to act like savages to survive. no. i cant be them. i must be bigger. stronger. more sane.

having killed... 4 people now... two of them being... my parents.......

i feel like i may be losing myself.

so here it goes.

remembering who i am:

moved to texas. was very scared. i didnt like the weather or our apartment. im sitting in bed, reading a book. i dont remember which... but its dark....

im sitting at my desk, writing the same line over and over "i will do all of my homework" because well, i didnt do all of my homework.

christmas 2009. got a laptop. was very happy. ecstatic. i stay holed up in my room for a long time with no outside contact, playing games on it.

summer 2010, i get my second girlfriend. nice girl, but the relationship is very... light really. yeah we liked each other, but we didnt really do much together. it was more a thing of "im lonely, youre lonely, lets get together" and it worked for what it was. she introduced me to deviant art and a few groups. i enjoy it and start drawing a lot more than i used to. we break up before school starts, but she has me hooked on dA and RP groups (super fun things for people who dont have to run like i do).

...thats a good start...

but i feel like.. i should do more...

...i will later...

for now, i must sleep, despite the fact that i just saw tall dark and slender staring at me from across the street.

yeah, what do you WANT? i think i might try talking to him. im not afraid of him anymore.

but if i dont say anything for a long time, its safe to assume i died and in that case.

The Last Will and Testament of Matthew (no im still not putting my full name on here)

Should i pass into the next life, i wish for my body to be buried as it is found. autopsies can be taken, but i wish that a copy of the results be buried with me. also, all personal affects on my person must be buried with me. whatever i am wearing must go down with me.

anyway, nuff with the morbid shit.

a few shout outs before i go to sleep:

Ava- thank god you are alive.... screw what i said earlier, if you are ever in the texas region, hit me up. ill see if we can arrange a meeting.

Tony- same goes for you. keep running bro.

Yggy- thank you for the concern. it really means a lot to me. more than you can imagine.

Liam- dude, go kick ass.

Jeff and Cheska- keep your love strong. let it keep you strong. dont you ever let it go.

Frap- what is going on dude? something wrong?

Robert- cant wait to see that compilation of people

Cathy- my dear woman, you must stay strong. even when something batshit insane stands in your way. i cant help you find your daughter, but i will try to find out information and help you decrypt any info you get.

Cynthia- oh my dear girl. you think i am becoming one of you. but there is one distinct difference between me and you proxies. i know how to love and be loved. whatever sad excuse for love you have is pathetic. your daddy may be happy at how well i kill people, but i am happy that i can at least do the act and still have a bunch of people who accept me for who i am.

Oh last thing: if you didnt catch my comment on my last post, i killed Bruder. his head is on a stick in what used to be my front yard.

details might come later if they are requested.

until next time

Stay Sane, Stay Alive

-Matthew
Someone of Consequence
(and now for that title that i have been trying to come up with forever)
The Id's Ego

(if you dont know what the hell that means to me, just ask)

good fucking riddance

hes done.

gone forever.

never to annoy me again.

it was so easy to be rid of him.

and please, for the love of god, stay dead.

silly nooc.

i wont die so easily.

in fact.

im not the one who will die here.

your fury i can smell from here.

have fun.

GUESS WHO FOUND YOU!!!

HEY THERE BRUDER!!! IF YOU ARE READING THIS, I SHOULD BE NEAR BY NOW!

SEE YA SOON YOU FUCK!!!

on a less murderous note, i think i should tell you all what happened...

its... still so vivid................

me and my sister came home and the house was all dark... i went in my room and my dad was at my computer, staring at my blog. i freaked out and just stood there, silent as a statue...

he looked at me... and................... his face... his eyes.... what did that fucker do to your eyes? they were so empty......

then.... he.........................

attacked me.......... slenderfuck made him a.. proxy...

i ran to the kitchen... my mom was there.... she was... one of them too.... my sister was screaming at us.... they ignored her...kept... hitting me......

i barely got out... then............ the knife.............

fuck...what have i done?

..................................................

im so sorry.........

katy............... stay strong.....

i know you hate me right now...... i know youre running too now..... but it was the only way....

i dont expect you to ever trust me again... but i will end this right now...

i can see him. it has to be him... it just has to be....

whatever you do, Bruder, dont try to find me.

guys.... im back......

bruder, get the fuck off my account.

god im so sorry its just....

theyre dead................... theyre all fucking dead............................

and its all on my fucking hands......

bruder when i find you, i will rip your throat out....

i cant believe you are gone.....

mom...dad..... please... if you can somehow read this from where you are... im so sorry.... he will pay for what he did to you

dance my puppets

at the request of little cynthia, i shall no longer speak in that silly binary.

it is so nice to see you people do what you do best! squirm all you want. the answer will still be the same.

let us address some of the more.. annoying people around here.

m, it is so nice of you to not say anything. your absence makes my job easier. the hope you bring? its gone with you now.

scott, you will be dealt with soon.

reach, heh.

ava, you are nothing. give up!

robert, tick tock goes the clock. how much longer till we hit noon?

yggy, i see your concern, and i raise you two dead bodies.

noname, why would you ever think for a second that you can best me? hm? you clearly underestimate the shadows you tread in.

alas, the night is absolute when it should be bright and happy. these thoughts comfort me.

oh, and about your silly friend nooc...

hes too................. preoccupied with his mind right now

R29vZCBldmVuaW5n

01010111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110111 01110010 01101111 01101110 01100111 00100000 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 01111001 01101111 01101110 01100101 00111111 00100000 01010111 01101000 01100001 01110100 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01100110 01100101 01100001 01110010 00100000 01101001 01110011 00101100 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100101 01101110 01100100 00101100 00100000 01110111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100011 01100001 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01110101 01101110 01100100 01100101 01110010 01110011 01110100 01100001 01101110 01100100 00101110 00001101 00001010 00001101 00001010 01010100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100100 01101111 01101111 01110010 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01101111 01110000 01100101 01101110 01100101 01100100 00100000 01100011 01100001 01101110 00100000 01101110 01101111 00100000 01101100 01101111 01101110 01100111 01100101 01110010 00100000 01100010 01100101 00100000 01110011 01101000 01110101 01110100 00101110 00100000 01010100 01101000 01100101 01111001 00100000 01110011 01101000 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01110011 01110100 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01110111 01101001 01100100 01100101 00101110 00001101 00001010 00001101 00001010 01000001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01110111 01101000 01100101 01101110 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01101110 01101011 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01110011 01100001 01100110 01100101 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01110011 01101111 01110101 01101110 01100100 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01110111 01100001 01110010 01101101 00100000 01100010 01100101 01100100 01110011 00101100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110111 01101001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101101 01100101 00100000 01100001 01101100 01101111 01101110 01100111 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01100010 01110010 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110100 01110010 01110101 01110100 01101000 00101110 00001101 00001010 00001101 00001010 01010101 01101110 01110100 01101001 01101100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01101110 00101100 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110111 01101001 01110011 01101000 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01100111 01101111 01101111 01100100 00100000 01101100 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01101100 01101001 01100110 01100101 00101110 00001101 00001010 00001101 00001010 01010011 01101100 01100101 01100101 01110000 00100000 01110111 01100101 01101100 01101100 00101110

48 75 6d 61 6e 69 74 79 20 73 68 61 6c 6c 20 66 61 6c 6c 2e

if you couldnt tell...

last night was... heh... pretty energetic for me...

no im not crazy...

no im not about to do something stupid...

no i havent seen him....

i just needed to get that off my chest, reclaim some of my resolve and all that.

anyway, me and my sister are going to go see a movie. dunno which one yet, but it should be fun.

SEE YA GUYS LATER!!!

-NOOC
Stay Sane, Stay Alive

As i lay me down to sleep
I pray the lord my soul to keep
for if i die before i wake
i pray the lord my soul to take

the itsy bitsy spider crawled up the water spout
down came the rain and washed the spider out

you are my sunshine
my only sunshine
you make me happy
when skies are grey

i sit here... still shaking... i feel like something bad is happening right now.... i cant stop.. it wont stop.... i cant do anything... i cant help....

but i have to.

I HAVE TO FUCKING KILL THAT FUCKER

SHOW YOURSELF YOU FUCK

WHERE DID YOU GO HUH!?

YOU AFRAID OF ME?!

YOU WANT TO GO CRY IN A FUCKING CORNER?!

WELL GUESS WHAT!!!

YOURE IN MY WORLD NOW YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!

NO FUCKING ESCAPE FOR YOU!!!

01011001 01001111 01010101 00100000 01010111 01001001 01001100 01001100 00100000 01000100 01001001 01000101 00100000 01010011 01001100 01000101 01001110 01000100 01000101 01010010 01001101 01000001 01001110

SEE?! I CAN SAY SHIT IN BINARY TOO YOU FUCKER!!!

YOU CANT KILL ME!!!

I NEVER FUCKING DIE!!!

BRING IT ON YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

is it just me...

or are things seeming like they are about to hit the fan?

Ok lets see: Cathy going to her old school on a hunch. Ava and Reach both about to dive head first at the enemy. Frap... something happened there. Inky is in the hospital and something shady is going on around him (just a hunch on my part). Tony is hitchhiking (that can NOT be good). Sandra, Lya, and Matt are being attacked indirectly by both Slendy and whatever the hell ///It/// is. Over here, everything is getting too damn quiet. Top this all off with the sudden influx of new people and trolls who may or may not be proxies?

We, dear people of the stalked, have all the ingredients for some BAD shit.

i might just be paranoid as fuck though. (doubt it...)

Anyway, more personal news; havent spotted Slenderfuck in a while now, nor his minions. School is still out and i found out no school tomorrow either...

Which makes me wonder if Slendy has control of the weather... maybe he is keeping me away from school for a reason... i dunno... just paranoia again...

also, i think it might just be me... but my parents have... been too damn calm about this whole situation, you know me running away and then coming back not too much later covered in wounds. Yeah sure it was still all tears and yelling, but....................... it was as big of a deal as i thought it was going to be. Well, needless to say, it unnerves me that they havent done anything to truly punish me for this... something isnt right.

Alas, i require a drink of the juice type that is of the orange color and flavor.

-NOOC
Stay Sane, Stay Alive

i hate my fan i hate my fan i hate my fan

was just sitting here, having a grand ol time just relaxing

now im shaking uncontrollably and trying to get a grip of myself

why?

because one of the bulbs on my ceiling fan burned out very slowly

made it look like there was a shadow being cast by a tall dark and malicious abomination

i shat thirty bricks

anyway... trying to get a hold on my sanity again...........

DAMN IT AVA

DAMN AND FUCKING BLAST

YOU BETTER NOT GET YOURSELF KILLED YOU IDIOTIC GENIUS

snow

it snowed where i am in Texas. its nice. its cold. it means no school.

speaking of school, i think my fears may have been misplaced. nothing new has happened and those operator symbols have gone away...

needless to say, im getting quite relaxed.

on a side note, i looked out my window and saw some foot prints in the snow. im gonna investigate. dont worry though, ill keep safe. thats why kept the switchblade from that last proxy.

Stay Sane, Stay Alive

------

it wasnt anything. just some kids running around or something.


I think... i might have found the theme song for the anti slendy bloggers...

Idioteque by Radiohead. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFosRTubEGU its got lyrics down in the description)

just looking at the lyrics.... wow.... describes people pretty well. (in my opinion at least)

short and to the point

Last night, if you read the end of my blog, you saw me flip shit.

Proxy was at my window, tapping. I looked out and saw her (yes it was a her this time). i come back, type that last bit and storm out of my room. i grab a nice weapon from my closet: the wooden pole that holds up all my hangars. i burst out of the house and chase her down (she started to run). I eventually catch her and hit her in the back of the head. She goes down and pulls out what i saw at the time as a gun. it was.. but it was a tazer, not a real gun. She shoots the thing at me and i stagger back. She pulls out a switchblade (which is illegal to own btw) and stabs me. it hurt. a lot. still does. She doesnt kill me then and there though... she starts to run again. apparently, i must be some sort of super human or something cuz i get up after being tazed and stabbed, pull out the blade and get my wood pole. i chase her down again and stab her in the back. i then beat the shit out of her with the pole.

i didnt aim for the head, out of fear of killing her... but still.. i made her scared and let her run off. i sealed up my wound and am hiding it from my parents. didnt help that i had to go to church too...

let this be a lesson to Slendy: IM NOT FUCKING SCARED OF THOSE MORONS. YOU ARE GONNA HAVE TO BETTER THAN THAT YOU FUCKFACE.

today was BULLSHIT

no i didnt see him, but if i did, i would FUCKING KICK HIM IN HIS BALLS.

spent the night a friends house yesterday, had a nice time jamming for a while. felt normal the entire time. even with my now irrational fear of the dark, i slept pretty well.

next day another friend comes over, we have breakfast and what not. later that day we go pick someone else up.

and you know what i was planning with them?

the most IDIOTIC THING EVER!!! HOORAY!!!

so yeah, we went exploring in the forest. not very thick stuff round where i live... but hey, i didnt see him, so it was all good. got some video on my camera, a few pics, still havent looked through it all (same... with whatever was on the camera when i found it the other day...)...

we went out there, armed with these awesome pvc pipes wrapped in foam and electrical tape; aka practice swords that hurt like a bitch.

well long story short we ended up just fighting eachother with them once we got out of the woods. i walk away for TWO SECONDS to get my shit from where i dropped it, and they manage to break one of my swords. it pissed me off.... a lot... but i had to keep my cool somehow so i went on the lookout for Slenderfuck.

didnt see him, but i KNEW he was out there. i could practically HEAR him laughing at my rage. i walked back to my friends and said these exact words:

"i swear to god... if he fucking.... if i fucking see that fucker.. i am going to fucking punch him in the fucking face."

oh... they actually understood who i was talking about too... made the mistake of introducing them to it (before all this shit happened)... luckily, they dont believe it a bit.... so that should make them safe.....

anyway... i calmed down eventually and got home. read some stuff bout you guys and now im eating ice cream. i feel... pretty normal actually, despite the absolute RAGE i felt earlier...

thats something about me that hardly anyone knows... i have a knack for... raging harder than anyone i know... i never show it to people, but its there, right underneath me...

its built up a lot since all this started...

OH ITS ON NOW BITCH.

Theory!

well my last one failed (finding out what was under that suit of his) so i have a new one:

If Slendy is made of plant cells, like so many have speculated/tested to be true, then maybe we should find a way to dehydrate him. Of course, this requires a way to find out how he draws water from his environment (if he does) and i, quite frankly, do not have the means to experiment with this. so if someone else has the ability and know how, i would REALLY like to see some data on this. :D please and thank you.

anyway, off to school now. weekend starts today. gonna hang with some friends. will post later about.............. yeah ill tell ya later so you dont freak out or anything.

STAY SANE, Stay Alive

School

As you may have read, i was moved back home unwillingly and i went to school, even more unwillingly.

Ava has told me (like.. just now) "School is a safe place, many people, he can't get you there. "


all i can say there is BULL. SHIT.


heres why:


i arrive at school. its a nice day. not too cold. go in the cafeteria and hang with some friends, dodging most of their questions. first few periods go by without a hitch.


then i go to the bathroom in third period. after finishing my business, i turn around and see the operator symbol on the back of the stall door. i ran my ass out of there. (and yes i didnt wash my hands. i was too afraid to care)


nothing else really happens.


lunch: me and a friend go to a nice little asian food place. we get our food, eat, and start to head out. on our way back to school (we walk) i looked down a street and saw tall dark and slender staring at me... or..... "staring"


i try not to freak out as we walk past the bastard but then i cant contain myself. why? because my fucking CAMERA is sitting on a fucking OPERATOR SYMBOL in the middle of the fucking SIDEWALK.


i stare at it for a few seconds then pick it up. i still havent gone through the pictures... im too afraid. but i will later...


so the rest of the day passes, i see a few more operator symbols and what not. but beyond that? nothing else. till the passing period of 6-7 periods. i only have 6 periods so i went to go get a ride from a friend. when i start toward our usual meet up place, i get a call from him saying that he cant take me home cuz of choir shit. i instead go to a computer lab and sit at my usual compy, checking the random blogs (cant comment though, seeing how i cant log in at school for stupid reasons). while im sitting there, someone else comes in and sits next to me. he/she (im thinking it was a girl though so i will refer to her as such) was hiding her face from me and slid me a note. she then quickly got up and walked away. didnt get to check if she was a guy or a girl (i do this by looking at the pants. its a very good way of differentiating) because i was staring at the note. it had a shit ton of random things on it, most of it indiscernible. but i did manage to pick out the phrases "he knows you", "you arent safe", and "eyes everywhere"


i got a feeling that my school is filled with proxies. what do you think?


so, alas, i must go brave those photos... wish me luck...


-NOOC
Stay Sane, Stay Alive

Im back

Some of you may have noticed that i was missing for a while. Well thats due to being without access to any wifi for a while. but now i have the best wifi ive seen in my life. where is it? well... ill get to that later. Here is what you missed:

1-23-11

didnt have time for like... anything. just kept moving. ran into a fellow runner. he didnt like my laptop. eventually sat him down and taught him it was a good thing. i... actually had a good time for a change; we watched some funny as hell videos and had laughed up a storm. i felt so good. but then he just up and left. no real reason, he just did.

1-24-11

once i settled in a little place for some wifi, i noticed that the runner guy was following me. spotted him across the street. didnt think anything of it. until that night... didnt really say anything about what happened in my comments, seeing how i didnt want anyone to really know, but now it really doesnt matter. he followed me to where i was going to sleep and when he THOUGHT i was actually in the wonderful land of dreams, he tried to steal my shit. i woke up (not that i was really sleeping) and we fought for a while before i set him running. how? by picking up a pipe that i had brought to my makeshift bed of course! maybe the confident stance i took with my weapon scared him away... probably...

1-25-11

in the morning i woke up stretched, and was immediately attacked by two proxies. luckily, i still had that pipe. and well... i didnt stop to check after the skirmish was over, but i dont think i killed them... course they gave some big ass cuts all over with their damn knives. i set to running. dont much remember what happened (been checking around if i commented anywhere, but i havent seen anything yet) but at one point where it was almost sunset, i remember something quite clearly: me doing the ballsiest thing ive ever done in my life. i was attacked AGAIN by proxies. i swear to GOD these guys are annoying. Where does Slendy get these guys? Thugs-R-Us? whatever, they werent anything special. there were four of them and they were all built like me: thin, quick, but weak. luckily, none of them had any skill/luck with fighting me (kinda hard to fight off someone with your fists if you A) cant fist fight B) your opponent has a four foot pipe in their hands and C) your opponent actually knows how to use a sword (in this case the pipe is essentially a sword)) they did manage to rough me up a bit, but due to lack of weapons, they were unable to incap me. then guess who shows up? thats right! Slendy himself. i cant really remember what i did, but i think it was just stare at him for a while before straightening up, laughing (yes i laughed at cthulhu), and saying the ballsiest thing ive ever said to anyone ever: i looked him straight in the... lack of face and said "You need to spawn more overlords". i shit you not. i dont know what came over me really, it just kinda... spilled outta me. then i did something BALLSIER. i walked up to him and looked up at his empty face, smiling. then i tried to perform my own experiment:

what is under that suit?

apparently he doesnt like when people try to remove his suit because he immediately knocked me backward and i lost consciousness.

which brings us to today:

i woke up in a soft bed. there was a small heater on in the corner. an entertainment system was to my left, a drum kit to my right. a warm brown blanket was wrapped around me and i felt fantastic. upon a swift inspection of my body i found that i had bandages on the wounds i had gained.

then it hit me. that Air Expo: Moffet Field 2001 poster, that duct-taped hoodie on the never used bunk bed the creepy as sculptures of heads that were perched up on the entertainment system.

i was home.

WHY DID HE BRING ME HOME?!

i got out of bed, freaking out. i ran out of the room, freaking out. i saw my parents, freaking out.

we were all freaking out. i stared at them, they stared back. then all the: "where have you been? why did you run? im so glad to have you back. we missed you" stuff happened. it was a very tender moment. i was honestly surprised they were alive.

anyway. yeah. i was taken back home and now i am on almost 24 hour watch. they dont trust me very much right now... but hey i dont either.

me and my sister had a tough talk though. she too was starting to get into the Slenderman stuff when i ran. i didnt tell her what happened or anything like that and i tried my damned hardest to make sure she didnt believe in it. told her it was all a hoax, making jokes all that stuff. i think... she might not believe he exists now.

but im not sure how long i can keep them in the dark............................. damn............

no one knows about this. i go back to school tomorrow (will be under heavy surveillance (from both teachers and probably Slendy too))

as much as i am freaking out, i must say... its rather nice to be home..................... even after all the horrendous shit that went down.

doubt i will stay around here for much longer though.. i will probably just run again...

and they did question my wounds... i told them i fell down into a river bed and got cut up pretty bad. they took me to a doctor and got me checked out.....

they know now that i was in a fight, but i have refused to tell them about it..... at all... ever.

anyway im so sorry that i havent been able to talk at all.... but im back now and i will be able to get some normality back...

but, again, i doubt it will last long.

-NOOC
Stay Sane, Stay Alive

...

im shaking uncontrollably....

ill finish this post when i can type

-------------

ok... i think i can do this now...

today was gonna be a day of just relaxing and not running so much. i probably moved maybe... what? half a mile? not much compared to yesterday.

And then... well i was being really paranoid, so i whipped out my camera and started recording shit around me...

i didnt see Him so i thought i was safe.

I wasnt.

this total nut job was standing in a nearby house just staring at me. he had all these weird as hell markings on his face that looked like they were done with a sharpie by a nine year old with serious mental issues.

he was just staring at me. course, i would probably stare too if i saw someone sitting outside of someone's house sapping the wi-fi. but that isnt the weird part.

he came up to me and started talking, his voice was scratchy as hell. i could barely make out what he was saying, cuz he was talking so fast. said something about a flood and how "we are coming for you" and all that shit which matches up with all those comments he left for you people (sorry about that, btw i deleted them where i saw them. apparently he wants me to watch some blogs seeing how im following like three new ones)

i told him to fuck off and started to pack my shit. he saw the operator symbol on my bag and started screeching. like legitly screeching; high pitch, annoying, ear bursting. i yelled at him to go away and then he attacked me.

i barely escaped. he landed a shit ton of punches and kicks on me, and seeing how i fucking suck at fighting without something that resembles a sword, i could only run from him. he chased for a while, moving slightly faster than me.

i rounded a corner and stole a look backwards, he wasnt there, and neither was my shit. but i didnt care, i had to keep moving. i ran until i couldnt anymore and rested in what looked like an old barn. i was breathing heavily and finally found rest.

i woke up a while later. guess who was lurking around where i was? you guessed it! psycho killer!!!

well this time i had the advantage. he hadnt seen me so i grabbed a shovel that was nearby (kudos to farmers who leave their tools around). i ran up to him and was gonna hit him when he turned around and parried my attack with his arm.

we struggled against eachother for a bit and then i found myself choking him and i wouldnt let go and he was gasping and

fuck man

im shaking again

will continue to edit later

----------

gonna finish this...

i dont know a light way to put this...

but i took a person's life today.

shit... just remembering it....

no. i cant think of it. i cant. i wont. it never happened...

but..his eyes... those horrid eyes... why did he stare at me when i was.......

damn it... i know that he was likely a proxy and i know that i shouldnt feel bad and i know i did it for survival and i know that i am just a blithering moron....

fuck......

have to find something to laugh at in all this... (taking a rule from Sandra here)

at least... he brought me my stuff? ...no.. thats not funny... but it was nice...

even if my camera is now gone... damn... that dick mustve done something with it... i didnt get to upload anything... well i still have my laptop so its all good.

on a different note i feel now is a good time to list the things i love and the things i fear  must conquer:

Love:
dogs
juice
books
living
fog
light, gentle rain

I must conquer:
the dark
closed doors
open doors (yes Ava, i fear them too, though not to your extreme)
being completely lost

one last thing: things i must do before i die:
find true love (sounds cheesy and unobtainable for me right now, but i can hope right?)
raise a child (see above)
make this all stop

there are somethings i WANT (not need) to do before i die, but now is not the time to talk about those.

now is the time for calming the fuck down.

-NOOC

Stay Sane, Stay Alive

whymustyousillyhumansrunaboutlikeidiots.

wewatchyouallthetimeanditannoysus.

weknowwhatyoufear.

weknowwhatyoulove.

weknowwhatyouhate.

weknowwhatyouvedone.

butdoesitmatter.

no.

ifitmatteredwewouldhavedonesomethingaboutitalongtimeago.

thisoneisinasafeyetdangerousplace.

wearelookingforhimnow.

hewillreturnlater.

ihopeyouallfindsomethingtodowithyourtime.

somethingbetterthanstaringatthepersonificationoffear.

nogoodwillcomeofthat.

ever.

wehopetoseeyouallsoon.

a little clarification

ok, i know this whole blog seems like a flurry of improbable events that all stem from being an attention whore.

And you know what? who cares what it is like. im not doing this for shits and giggles, or even for freaking the shit outta you.

im doing this a gauge of my sanity.

by keeping you updated and by updating myself on the goings ons of others, i keep my sanity.

speaking of sanity, i caught a glimpse of him earlier. at least... i think it was him... im not too sure... my neck hurts like a bitch... and WHY ITUNES?! i was trying to relax with this music, AND YOU PLAY FUCKING TREEFINGERS?! like im not already paranoid enough...

god damn it... im deleting that song...

Last thoughts: think i made a new friend... Ava, fight the good fight. Stay Sane.

-NOOC

Stay Sane, Stay Alive

On the road

Last night...

was hell...

I gathered my stuff up and (despite what i said) left my sister a note. it said "I love you. I will be back. Stay Sane, Stay Alive." It was so hard to even put those words down on paper.

and then i stepped out the door. He was staring right there, not even a yard away.

I ran past him, but something hit me. I kept running and didn't stop until i was at the main road, even then i only slowed to look back. He wasn't there anymore. I kept moving, swiftly, but i couldnt run anymore. I ended up making it to my friend's house. I was about to knock on the door when i realized that He would probably bring hell to them if i did. So i slept on their roof. THAT was adventure. it had to be like... 20 degrees out. i dont have any blankets or anything like that.

when i woke up, i got down quickly and made my way toward a strip mall. I stocked up on some ready to eat food, paying with what money i had available. I bet i will have to steal eventually...

Why was it so easy to leave? I mean it wasnt a cake walk, but i expected myself to feel a little bit more... i dunno.. maybe some stronger emotion? but i just up and left.

anyway, im sitting in a starbucks right now, eating some chips. It feels safe here, but i know it isnt.

Put the operator symbol on my bag to be safer. im gonna draw it on my jacket too.

I think i will upload a pic soon. not now though.... leaving soon.

oh... the thing that hit me; apparently it was bladed or something, because when i got to my friend's roof, i felt the wound (it was at the base of my neck). i felt blood. Luckily it wasnt too deep.

final thoughts: i miss my family. I know im not too far from them, but the thought of going even farther....

well to say the least, it hurts.

feeling naucious, and im leaving now.

Till next time guys:

NOOC

Stay Sane, Stay Alive

Well...

Thank you M.

I am going to move now. Don't know where I'm going. I just need to get the hell out of here.

It hurts like fucking HELL to leave my family, but I can't let them get hurt. I am not leaving a note or anything. I hope they don't come looking for me, it will only hurt more.

So yeah, i am travelling light; laptop, camera, sketchbook, accessories for all. I will try my damned hardest to get pictures for you people, if at all possible.

Anyway: this is NOOC, signing off.

Stay Sane, Stay Alive

Just when i thought i could be safe.

Well, im not gonna beat around the bush or anything.

I saw Him tonight.

scared the fucking shit out of me.

I made the mistake of telling a couple of people, but i am now denying it to them. i dont want to make him follow them too.

i have to keep it a secret.

a secret i can only share with the corporate anonymous.

He was just standing off the side of the road on my way home from a fellowship time at church.

drew a couple things there. havent really looked at them though. not in depth. just quick scribbles and all that shit. ill put it under review tonight, along with the few photos i took. made a couple of videos that i plan to watch as well.

i didnt get a picture of him because my camera died like... a minute before i saw him and the camera on my phone is shit quality. besides, i wouldnt have had a fast enough reaction time to whip it out to do anything anyway.

seeing how i have nothing else to occupy my mind at the moment, i will end this here.

-No One Of Consequence


need answers soon.

The beginning, and hopefully the end.

I only came to this site for one reason; to follow "The Tutorial"

Why? so that i can survive.

I know for a fact that I am not being followed. But tis better to be safe than sorry, right?

I doubt i will update often, but when i do, i promise not to put fluff on here. If something important happens, I will say so here.

Now, a little about myself:

I am No One Of Consequence. That is all you need to know about that.

Paranoia has taken me hostage. Not some strange entity name Paranoia, but the actually state of being. Most people say that if you think you are paranoid, you aren't. I don't believe this, seeing how most of those people are idiots anyway. I think i may be more sane than them, but then again, who can tell?

My greatest fear is being realized right now: losing myself to something i have no control over.

Recently i have been put on edge by the whole Slenderman Mythos, and now i am on the verge of hysterics.

Like i said earlier, i don't think i am being followed, but a part of me wants to be followed. Don't ask why though, i will say why when i am ready (and when i understand it myself).

The reason i am so afraid of this whole Mythos is because i am a creature of understanding, i seek and strive to understand the world around me. When something new and strange is added to my world of perfect balance and order, i lose it. This has happened before. Imagined myself a girlfriend once, just to get myself through a tough spot in my life.

I am losing sleep over all of this.

I wear a social mask of calmness and bravery. But underneath i am a hypocritical bastard who fears his own shadow.

Now then, more to come later. In the mean time, i am off to investigate the odd noises in my house. Sounds like the fridge is getting new ice or something. But i never heard that noise repeat so many times.

Also: Hang in there M. you have to do so, for us.